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Because I'm picky

I find it so strange when a big business misses things that I see without even trying. When I worked in the silkscreen printing industry, the floor manager would make people set things up again if there were issues like a weird dot on the print, or a misalignment...and sometimes it was a push-and-pull between quality and economy, when a job needed to get done whether the press was holding proper alignment or not.

My nitpickiness might have come from that early on-the-job learning. I noticed that my replacement at the library had a graphic with a caption in it on the website that weren't aligned in any way...and I thought, come on, at least center that or left justify it or something. Then I saw the newsletter she'd put together. Stray shapes in her vector art she should have cleaned up, and an article run without any sort of graphic when it was just dying for an image of a melting ice cream cone, but was instead a block of plain text.

And so my critical eye continues roving...now to LJ. Who made this ad? An in-house design department, or a hired gun? Either way, DUDE, the way the copy is presented is awful:



The way the line is broken, it reads, "Effectingely removes unwanted hair and more." And more? What else could it possibly remove?

How about,
Effectively removes unwanted hair.
More women agree it smells better than Nair Lotion*

I also took out an unnecessary "that"--and maybe a comma after "hair" would somewhat work, though the way the line is broken up still makes it cumbersome to read/parse.

You know, some people think anyone can write. Not the case at all. Not for fiction, not for copywriting. Yes, we can all write to communicate with one another; we learned that in school. But copywriting is a different beast. It probably wouldn't surprise you to learn I also did some copywriting in a design firm in Chicago, so I didn't go to school for it, but I had enough on-the-job experience to understand it involved more than just throwing a bunch of words at an ad and breaking them up anywhere.

I've noticed sometimes purely visual graphic designers only look at the way an ad is laid out and how the words fit. It's not on their radar that maybe the way they've broken the line affects the meaning. I think that's why sometimes you see ads with big old grammatical errors in them. The person creating the ad was visual, not written/verbal-minded. I think that's where the art director comes in. They're supposed to see it all.

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( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
starofblight
May. 27th, 2010 07:49 pm (UTC)
I'm happy that I'm not alone in being that nitpicky. ^_^
jordan_c_price
May. 28th, 2010 07:37 pm (UTC)
I thought maybe I was alone in it for a while there!
lalachan
May. 28th, 2010 05:33 pm (UTC)
ok, ok I have to say that when I read it, I was like: "remove unwanted hair and more??? More WHAT???? Skin too??" lol and then I read the rest and it made sense. Yeah, that phrase wasnt broken in the right place XD

Anyway, what I really wanted to say is: OMG *O* is it true?? There's Veet spray now??? If this add is true I wannnnnnnnnnt it NOW. Lol I always used veet, it's really the best way to remove unwanted hair ^_~
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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